Nothing beats the feeling of falling head over heels for someone and having them feel the same way, but how do you keep it going? Therapist Jeff Guenther has some advice for keeping a new relationship on track and it’s more about what we should avoid, rather than what we should do.
In a TikTok video called “Three things you should NOT do when you fall in love,” he breaks down steps that can help us be lucky in love:
- Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are actually in love- Guenther explains that even though it feels like you’re in love, you’re not yet. He admits it might sound condescending, but clarifies that you still need to find out all the annoying stuff about them. “Once you see how dumb and annoying they are and you still think you’re in love,” he says, “then you’re more likely to actually be in love.”
- Take it slow- As tough as it may be to stay away when this person is all you can think about, Guenther recommends only seeing them two or three times a week, not every day. He says this helps you slow down and “savor the moments you have apart” so you can “sink into that really nice feeling of anticipation.”
- Don’t make any big decisions- He’s talking about moving in together or quitting school and says even though it seems like a good idea, you don’t know if it’s going to work until you get to know them over time. “If they’re asking you to make life-altering decisions at the start then that should be a huge red flag,” Guenther warns.
The video has racked up 3.2-million views and thousands of comments, including:
- “Step one … Find someone,” one user writes.
- “I’m now convinced I’ve never actually been in love and I’m 100% okay with it,” another posts.
- And some share stories about how their relationships worked out, even though they did the opposite of his advice. "Oh babes, I did it all wrong!,” a TikToker writes. “Met Oct 3, engaged Oct 28, pregnant Nov 16, bought a house Feb 14, married March 12 and still married 17 years later."